Can i not drive my cunt home
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize