it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
