help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
