i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
