im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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