I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Actions speak louder than pants.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
