She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
