The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
