put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
