careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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