Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize