I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
