went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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