Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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