He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
