that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
