my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
