I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
