I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
