Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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