went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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