i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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