I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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