Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
