last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
