Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You pole danced in your parka.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
