i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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