I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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