I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize