the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
