I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
