I got chris browned last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
