On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
