you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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