HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize