my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
