Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
