She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I understand Curling. That high.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I sprained my soul last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
