the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
