He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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