If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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