remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
