No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
