I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
