i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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