not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize