I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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