Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
