Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
