Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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