dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
