I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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