i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
