my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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