I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
