1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
