Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
