the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize