So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize