Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
