can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
