im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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