I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
