Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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