Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
