3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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