Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
