So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
