This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize