oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
