I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
