i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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