Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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