i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
