I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
