2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My penis needs a shock collar
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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