Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
