i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize