Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
