I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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