sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
