Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
