Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
