You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
