handjob tips. give me some.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
