Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I pour the whiskey from now on
I deserve this hangover.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
