you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
