we have officially lost it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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