listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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