Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
