his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As shirtless as possible
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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