youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize