I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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